Monday, June 24, 2013

I guess my life is beginning.

In August I will be starting my first year of college. I will be a twenty year old freshman. I am feeling a bit torn at the moment about this. I feel like since I will be older than majority of the freshman, I should feel less nervous. Like I have less to prove because we're not exactly in the same age group. But then I also feel nervous because I will be older than most of the freshman and will probably be looked at like a fool, for taking so long to go to college.

I've been trying to suck it up and just get on with my life. I don't want to let having SAD be the reason why I have so many regrets later on in life. It's easy telling my self to just 'suck it up' now, but i'm afraid what will happen when I actually begin school. I don't want to be the weird girl, who has no friends. I would love to make friends while in college, but I just don't know how.

On top of all of that, I recently moved so I will know absolutely no one. Which again leaves me feeling torn. I love that this is a chance to start over. That I won't have any preconceived notions made about from me from people that knew me in high school.  On the other hand I am also sacred to be starting school at a place where I will be virtually alone. I have no one that I can go to. And it's very intimidating to know that I have to do this all on my own. I'm used to having people with me that I can ask to do things for me, like ordering my food, or asking the teacher something. I will no longer that luxury. I have to figure out how to do things all on my own. And i'm scared.