How Zoloft helped me realize I was depressed, and alleviate my social anxiety.

So, I have been gone a long stretch of time lately and a lot has happened int that time.

The title might be a little bit confusing considering I have stated many a time that I am very against drugs, prescribed or other wise, but I will get into detail what caused my jump from trying to naturally alleviate my anxiety to medically alleviate it in another post. This post in all about how Zoloft helped me realized I was/am depressed.

Okay so I'm going to jump right into it. About a month before I graduated college (Yay for me, I actually did it!) I went to a doctors appointment an actually talked to my doctor about my anxiety which was a big deal. After we spoke for a bit she wanted prescribe me with Zoloft to try and help my anxiety, and while I was little bit apprehensive, I decided to try it because at that point I was so fed up with how my anxiety was acting up and the herbs I was using just weren't doing enough. She prescribed me with 25MG because of my height and weight and she didn't want to overwhelm my body I guess.

I stayed on these for 4 weeks before I went back for a check in, check up. The 25MG didn't do anything for me except make me the drowsiest I have ever been in my life, and give nausea. My nausea was so strange too, I would sporadically get nauseous through out the day, and also when I laughed. It was the strangest sensation to fell nauseous because of a laugh. Luckily the nausea cleared up after week three, unluckily the 25MG's didn't do anything for the SA.

When I went in for my check in, I told all of this to my doctor and she suggested  try out 50MG for another four weeks and come back in with another round of check ups. I was not optimistic after having failed with 25MG and having read so many stories about how sometimes Zoloft only works for certain people.

Boy, was I surprised. The first thing I noticed that it severely lessened was my depression. I knew that I would become depressed sometimes but I had no idea to what extent I was depressed until I started taking Zoloft and I wasn't as depressed anymore. I think I was so used to living with it that I didn't even notice that something was wrong. The differences I felt in myself were shocking, because I hadn't even realize the my depression was a part of the problem because I was so focused on my SA.

 I noticed a difference in my attitude towards myself and others. I realized how much more lighter I felt, I can't even pin point the exact things it changed I just know that overall I felt so much better  about myself and my situation.

It also helped with my SA. I work for my sister now (we'll get int that in another post) and she was always pushing me to make these calls so certain clients and I would just refuse to do it because my SA would not allow me to, but on Zoloft while I wasn't comfortable and the anxiousness was still there, I was at least able to actually call them.I was also able to walk into a store or order something at a restaurant without freaking out on the inside. I felt a lot more in control of my life, and my decisions.

I'm not saying that it was a cure, I still had anxiety and depression, but it did help me out a lot with having some sort hold on my life, and since I have had SA since as far back as I can remember that was a big deal to me, I had never felt like that before.

Even though the Zoloft had helped me tremendously I am no longer taking it. I took the 50MG's for about a month and a half before I stopped. There are a multitude of reasons why I stopped, which I will get into in another post where I will update my personal life.

I also want to address the brain zaps. I remember reading about the zaps happening when taking Paxil but I can't remember if I read about them happening on Zoloft, but for me they did happened. It's so hard to explain the exact feeling, it doesn't hurt, it kind of feels like feels like of you squeeze your eyes closed very tightly and tighten your whole body to the point where it starts to shake. Except it's that feeling only in you head. lol that's the only way I can think to describe it. It's such a strange feeling. They happened about two weeks after I stopped taking them, and only last about two weeks as well. They were very random, at first I didn't connect the zaps to the Zoloft, I wasn't really keeping track, so I can't say exactly how many times they happened.

I am kind of sad that I no longer feel the same way I did when taking the Zoloft because when  stopped I actually noticed how depressed I am, and how bad my SA can be.

It sucks having both SA and depression and I found this post which put into words what I have been feeling my whole life:

talesfromagirlwithsad.tumblr.com

Week 4 update - Self medicating social anxiety

I made it to the week four mark. Woop!

This is the week that I began school again. So I think it gave a better chance to see the herbs in action.

So a quick update, I'm still taking the same dosage as before. I'm taking 1 capsule of 530mg Valerian Root, 1 capsule of 500mg  Rhodiola Rosea, and 2 capsules of 650mg Chamomile. I take these every morning with breakfast, or lunch if I'm running late. so onto the update!

I did just move to a new town so I am taking a new bus and route to school and I don't really work well with unfamiliar things, but i have to say it wasn't that bad. I was still anxious, but I don't think my level was that bad. On a scale from 1 to 10 I was about a 5 on the scale. which is so much better than last semester which I would put at about a 7.

So my first day back at school was great because I only had one class. It may have made me feel better because it was in a class room and with a teacher that I have had before. I walked into the room and said good morning, GOOD MORNING! I surprised even myself. I don't talk to teachers when I walk in classrooms, and I certainly never say good morning. So I was definitely shocked at my actions lol. I then proceeded to sit down and even though I was in a classroom full of people I don't know I was okay. I would say my anxiety was at a 4 by that point. which is crazy! I'm so freaking excited about my results. I feel like an actual half way normal person.

The rest of the week continued on in the same manor. I went to my classes I didn't feel overwhelmed. I even spoke in my creative writing class, it was mandatory, but who cares. I spoke up and said what I had to say and that was that. I was still nervous about it but my hands didn't shake at all. Even when I was done my hand still weren't shaking! Usually when I speak my hands shake and even when I'm done they continue to shake for a while after that. So this was pretty spectacular. I'm not sure if this is because I have a pretty tame schedule this semester (yay last semester!) because I only have one class Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, and two classes Wednesday. That might have to do with my anxiety level because I'm not being overwhelmed with the amount of people I have to deal with in a day.

I went into the pool (not swimming, the game) room and hung out with my friends (I use that term loosely, I don't really have friends, we're more like school friends only) and I was fine in there. I left the school with a friend and went to get some Chinese food in her car. I actually rode in the car with just the two of us. I would say my anxiety level was at about a 4 then two. which is a big improvement to last semester when I rode with a group of friends off campus. This makes me happy because before I never would have been able to say i was more comfortable riding in a car with one person where I couldn't hide and had to talk as opposed to a group.

For the eating healthier aspect, I have been doing great I think. Most days I start out with a homemade smoothie for breakfast. I have a really big hill to walk everyday to and from the bus so I get some good exercise in daily.

I did not get the chance to do any yoga during week 4. Not going to make up excuses, I just kind of forgot or I didn't want to stop reading (this is a whole other issue that I will address in another post). I do have my laptop back now, so that gives me a better opportunity to check out some yoga videos.

I think I had great results for my fourth week. This really make me hopeful. I'm not saying that I'm ready to start applying for jobs or anything, but I really do think that I made great improvements this week.

Week 2 and 3 update - Self medicating social anxiety

Okay, so I'm going to do an update on week two and three because I didn't do week two, two weeks ago or week three last week. My laptop was being repaired and I really didn't want to write this on my cousins tablet that I've been borrowing. I did the the last couple of posts on it and its really annoying because its broken and only allows me to touch half of the screen and I have to keep flipping it upside down. But now I finally have my laptop back. I haven't used it since October, but I had to get it repaired because classes started again and I have two online classes this semester. Okay on to the update!



Week Two:

So a quick update. I am taking Chamomile, Rhodiola Rosea, and Valerian Root capsules daily along with trying eat healthier, getting outside daily, and starting yoga again.

Last week I said that I was taking one 530mg Valerian capsule, two 500mg Rhodiola capsules, and two 650mg Chamomile capsules. Since then I have switched back to taking one Rhodiola capsule. I thought the label said "take 1 to 2 capsules daily" but it actually says" take one 1 capsule 1 to 2 times daily".

I was taking both at the same time with the rest if the capsules. I have since decided to go back down to one capsule because I'm taking the Rhodiola together with the Chamomile and Valerian and I don't to over do it.

I did go outside at least one time a day in the second week and I also did get some yoga done. I did some painting as well which is a great way to calm my mind. I have started to eat better, but I plan doing even better.

Unlike the week before, in week two I actually went somewhere so I got the chance to see the "medication" in action. I went to the mall with my mother and my sisters boyfriends brother, lol that's a mouthful. I was returning a jacket and when I went to talk to the cashier I did notice that I wasn't as nervous (read: terrified out of mind) as I normally am. I also had to find my receipt and sign something and my hands barely even shook.

I count that as win in my book any day. I'm really excited because it seams like the herbs are really starting to take effect. Even if it's just a placebo effect I'm okay with that. Onto week three!



Week Three:

During week three I did get some more interaction with the outside world. I had to send of my laptop to be repaired. I went to the post office looking around for a large flat rate box and when I couldn't find the one I wanted I actually went to the window and asked the lady if they had the size box I needed. I count that as a win. I don't know if I was feeling brave that day, or if it was because the post office was empty, or because of the herbs, but either way I feel pretty good about being able to ask the window lady something while being there all on my own.

Of course when I came back with box and no label and the  lady looked at me like I was stupid when I handed her a label-less box I felt completely and utterly mortified. I had to move to the side and write my label on and this time I wasn't so lucky to have an empty post office.

In my defense I haven't sent many packages where I had to write a label on it. I always just print out the prepaid for ones from Paypal. I thought if i went to the window she would just put one of those labels on the box.

Anyways, I also got some yoga done in the second week. But i think i need to watch an actual video and follow along to get a proper yoga session in because I can't always remember the poses I want to do. I think I'll start the 30 day yoga challenge again that's on Youtube.
Here is the link: 30 day yoga challenge.
I would also like to do some of these poses that are specific to anxiety in this article:

I got some painting done as well. As for eating healthier I think I'm getting there. I'm doing better every week.

I'll have an update of week 4, which is this week we're in right now on Sunday. This is also the week I started school, so it should be an interesting update.

Pass me the herbs please!

Before I lay out the specifics of my plan with self medicating, I just want to say that I am in no way telling people to copy what I am doing. I have decided to do this on my own with out the help of any doctors or therapists involved.

Now I would also like to say that I know there is no magic cure for SAD. I know that I'm not going to wake up tomorrow suddenly a different person. My goal is to reach a point where my anxiety level is manageable enough for me to get a job. That is my ultimate goal, getting a job and working towards being more independent and moving out of my sisters house.

As I said in my last post, in my research about medication to help treat SAD I came across this article: socialanxietydisorder.about.com/treatmentoptions

After reading up on each of these herbs, I decided to try a combination of Chamomile, Valerian root, and Rhodiola rosea.

I know that there are medications the help with dealing with social anxiety, but I am personally really against medication. So before I try any prescription medication I would like to try a natural remedy.

Part One

The first part of my self medicating plan (SMP) is to take each of the herbs listed above daily.

I ordered these a couple of days ago, and I just received them yesterday. I ordered them from pureformulas.com they have free shipping and the prices are really low. I would have just gotten them from Amazon but because I am a vegetarian I had to do a little searching around for vegetarian capsules. The brands I ordered are Nature's Answer for the chamomile, 650mg. Nature's Way for the Valerian root, 530mg, and Now for the Rhodiola, 500mg.

Although the backs of the bottles suggest taking more than one capsule, or taking it more than once a day I'm just going to ignore that lol. Because I am taking these all together and not alone, I think that if I were to take more than one of each I might be over doing it. The only that I might take two of is the chamomile because its the one I'm most familiar with.

The bottle of rhodiola says to take it before bed, because I suppose it makes you drowsy but I think I might do a trial taking it in the morning with rest of them and see how I feel after a week. If I'm to drowsy then I'll switch it to night time.

I think that taking these daily will help decrease my anxiety.
Onto part two.

Part Two

Part two of my SMP is to start to eat right again. I don't think I can fight my anxiety with out getting my mind and body on the right track. I used to eat very good until I moved in with my sister and started to feel like my move was being watched. Now I just hurry up and make what ever will take the shortest amount of time and go back to my room. I Need to get back to the way I used to eat.

Part two of my plan involves eating healthier foods, and drinking more water. A while ago after I did the lemon cleanse I stopped eating preservatives and artificial colors. I would like to get back to this way of eating. My ultimate goal is to eat majority of fruits and vegetables for all my meals. Because I'm already a vegetarian this would not be that hard of goal to reach. I was raised a vegetarian and have never tasted meat or fish in my life.

The only problem with this is that I don't feel comfortable eating the food in my sisters house, so I'm going to figure out a way to be able to pay for the fruits and vegetables I want to eat.

I really think this combined with the herbs will go long way in reducing my anxiety.  I think that I'm going to have to work from the inside out to get the results I want, and that's going to start with eating healthier.

Part Three

Part three of my SMP is to start doing yoga again. For me, yoga works as a way to calm mind.

I used to do yoga all the time until I moved, and the house was to crowded, and I didn't really feel comfortable doing it in front of any of the members of my family. So I stopped. But now that we moved into this bigger house and I semi have some privacy in the room I share, I think that I would be able to find the time to start again.

The only way I'm going to be able to get a handle on my anxiety is to calm my mind. The three things that work in calming my mind are yoga, reading, drawing/painting, crafting and other art related stuff, and daydreaming (maladaptive daydreaming to be exact, but we'll get into that another time). Because I already do the other two I think I need to add yoga back into the mix.

Not only does it relax my mind, but it also relaxes my body. Which will also be big help because my shoulders are always so tense because of my SA.

I really believe that that these three in combination will help me with my anxiety.

Part four

The fourth and final part of my SMP is to go outside at least once a day, even if its just to walk the dog. No matter how short the amount of time, I need to get outside everyday.

Not only do I feel like I need to get sunlight everyday, I don't think me spending days at a time in the house is doing me any favors. Even if I don't interact with anyone while I'm outside at least I got some fresh air for the day. I think this is another thing that help with calming my mind.  I don't think staying cooped up in the house is helping at all, infact its probably making me worse. So I plan on going outside everyday, even if its just for a little while.


I think that with all of things working together, and with trying to improve my outlook and setting a goal ( getting a job, so that I can move out of my sisters house) will really help me to get a better handle on my anxiety.

When I came across the article I mentioned earlier I was in a really bad place and I think finding that article helped me to dig my self out of that spot. I think I have hope now, where as before I has none and I had basically given up on ever getting better with out using drugs (prescription or recreational).

I will be posting weekly updates on how this working out for me.

I really think this is going to work. Fingers crossed.